Feminism? Has it become a dirty word?

So I was reading The Times at the weekend and read an interview with Annabel Karmel, she of the hugely successful baby food empire, and she said that she wasn't a feminist. Not a feminist? How? Why?
It got me thinking. Because if she, head of a huge business, is 'not a feminist' (in spite of the fact that, if it wasn't for feminism, she would never have been allowed to trouble herself with complicated things like supply chains and growth strategies), then either she believes feminism isn't needed anymore, or it's become such a dirty word she doesn't want to be associated with it.
Which is tragic because feminism is so totally needed and it shouldn't be a dirty word, but somehow it's become associated with anti-men lobbies, with strident militarism, with anger and vitriol. When really, surely, feminism is about equal opportunities. I have two boys and one girl, and I have the same hopes and aspirations for them all: happiness, love a fulfilling career. Only fifty years ago, women were forced to give up their jobs when they got married. For years afterwards a woman couldn't get a mortgage without a man to guarantee it. Sure, there are women in boardrooms now, and women politicians. But old habits die hard and few workplaces have yet completely thrown off their all-male legacies; late night working is still lauded, and nights out at strip joints are still acceptable so long as clients are there.
The trouble is, we disagree on what the problems are and we also disagree on the solutions. On the one hand, I welcome extended maternity leave and flexible working for mothers. On the other hand, I can see the huge burden this puts on businesses (particularly small to medium size businesses) and how employers might start to favour male workers. In the States, where maternity leave tends to be around 3 months, there are more women in senior positions; in European countries where up to 2 years maternity leave is available, hardly any women work in the private sector, and the vast majority work part time. Is this progress? I'm really not sure.
Equal opportunities are, of course, now enshrined in law, but it's society that really dictates what is acceptable. Women who work full pelt are lauded in the media but pitied at the same time; they must miss their children, their children must be missing out too. Nannies are discussed with raised eyebrows and high profile celebrities talk with pride about how they look after their own children, not mentioning the grandmother, housekeeper and tutors working full time behind the scenes to raise their children when they are on a film set 12 hours a day.
The reality is, there's no silver bullet. But that's because we are all different and want different things. Some women are desperate to get back to work a few months after giving birth; some fear the end of their maternity leave and start working out how quickly they need to get pregnant in order to minimise the time back in the office. But, and here's the real point of what I'm trying to say here, SO DO MEN, and this is where the revolution really has a chance of taking hold.
It's happening very, very gradually, but bit by bit, fathers can be seen pushing buggies around on a weekday; one by one they are appearing on the school run, slowing their careers right down so they can look after the children whilst their wives work full time. Usually it's down to economics; the highest earner continues earning whilst the lower earner does more child care. But sometimes it's just down to choice. Because not every woman enjoys domesticity, and not all men want to work full pelt and see their children only at weekends.
And the more men who make the choice to stay at home, the more it will become acceptable (and more fun for them, probably), the more future generations will have a genuine choice over who, if anyone, stays at home and what their childcare arrangements will look like. That is true equality of opportunity. That is surely the win win that we all want?
Once we can start seeing people as people instead of stereotypes, then true equality has a chance; once the government understands that it isn't always women who want to stay at home with the baby, once men start feeling they have a genuine choice in the matter, then I will relax.
Until then, I am very proud to say that I am a feminist.